Apparently I Complain A Lot

So it was brought to my attention today that I'm somewhat of a curmudgeon in my blog posting. An 18 year-old Jack Nicholson circa "As Good As It Gets" if you will.

I'm not going to reveal the source of this observation, in true journalist form.

But this red-headed State News reporter may have had a point.

Thus, I set about writing an inspirational tale of an event that occurred today that rejuvenated my deteriorating home in the good-natured manner which people go about living each and every day. One filled with enough heart-warming, chill-inducing details to make you want to curl up with a good book next to a crackling fire in the heat of the winter.

Then I realized my job is a soul-sucking labor to serve some of the Earth's slimiest scum which pretty much occupies my life at the moment.

Once I made this observation, I decided curmudgeon be damned, I like bitching about everything from anteaters (Go UC-Irvine!) to xylophones (why the hell doesn't that start with "Z"???).

With that in mind, my newest semi-rant observation comes as I fulfill my college student obligation of shallowness and stalkerness realized through the wonder and amazement of Facebook.

Facebook itself was fine enough as it was a mere two months or so, give or take.

But something of a good thing is never enough of a good thing. Just ask Joe Dumars what happens when you don't change a damn thing besides a stool-pigeon of a coach for four years — here's a hint: you get your ass handed to you by a 22-year-old, Sideshow Bob, and Baldy McTuft and his merry band of freakshows.

So Facebook appeased the Red Bull-driven college population with hundreds of meaningless "Applications."

Below I have ranked the most prevalent Facebook Applications from worst idea to best idea, with a heart-warming comment or two to brighten your otherwise gloomy day.

5. "Trakzor" Ok, this one just scares me because I know I'll find a 23-year-old guy from Montana who dropped out of Eastern Montana State Technical Institute for the Mentally Handicapped who's secretly stalking me and planning to abduct me for a sex slave/English paper-writer.

That or Esther will find out that I'm secretly stalking her from afar. Ok, maybe I'm not. That's just my plug to get interviewed for her blog. But seriously, I am.

4. "Top Friends" Like Oh My Godddd guys. Today, I found out that Sarah didn't have me in her top 8 friends and I'm like, totally not talking to her anymore. I mean, like, how could she do that to me? I mean, like, when she was a total b and I carried her home from that frat party, I totally was, like, there to make sure she got home safe. And this is how she thinks of me?

Tell me you can't see that. I dare you. I double dare you. I physically challenge you.

3. "Graffiti" If I've seen one demented looking dinasour or one attempt to make a person with severe deformities, I've seen four of them. You can't draw all of you Picasso's on crack with a mouse.

2. "Superpoke" I don't want to tickle you. That'd be kinda gay. I don't want to spank you. I'm not into that. I don't want to grope you. That's called sexual harassment. I don't want to lick you. You taste bad. I don't want to bone you. That'd be bad to tell you through Facebook.



Wait, "bone" isn't an option?

1. "iLike" Ok, this one is sweet. Mostly because I have a better percentage on the iLike challenge than all y'all. Partly because music sharing is cool. But mostly because I kick your ass.

Feel free to debate. And don't say I was never warm and fuzzy inside — you all are worthwhile enough for me to be friends with you on Facebook.