If nobody cared about Nickelback

I consider myself somewhat knowledgeable about the music scene of the 21st century: I can tell the Shins from Snow Patrol, Green Day from the Goo Goo Dolls, and Fergie from a piece of crap.

But there's one band that absolutely blows my mind in how much they themselves blow: Nickelback.

The following is an excerpt of lyrics from recent hit single from the group:

"I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
So far away
far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it hold on to me never let me go."

Inspiring, huh? A cokehead chimp with a brain defect could write that.

Their newest single, Rockstar, goes as follows:

"I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me
--(Yea, So what you need)--

I need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
--(Been there done that)--

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
we'll hang out in the coolest bars
in the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up here
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And well...

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar."

While slightly more verbose than their eloquent "Far Away" above, the group seems to forgot that they are rock stars. This song might as well be called "We're rock stars and you're not. Suck on that." Of course it never would, because that would imply they knew that rock star was two words, not one.

Nickelback might very well get the most out of very little better than any awful top 40 band out there right now.

And yet I still listen to them.