More things to do before death...dum dum dum

Resuming the list:

90. Have Rod Allen call me "country strong" - In the words of some, I'm very "j" of Marcus Thames and Mike Hessman. "Them boys is counnnnnntry strong!" Ahh, the grammar and ingenuity of an Emmy winner never ceases to amaze. Actually, Rod Allen can pretty much yell whatever he wants, as long as it has my name in it.

89. Go parasailing - This seems like a nice thrill on my less-than-thrilling (ha! pun!) resume (I don't know how to do accents on a Mac). It's halfway between skydiving (Does jumping out of a moving plane sound smart? I didn't think so.) and jet skiing (what's with the whole skis part of it? Be a man, go barefoot, and then get back to me). Plus, I figure if Ely has done it, it can't take that much testosterone.

88. Go to Bonnaroo - Does it get any better than standing in mud in the middle of Tennessee (Tennessee and "the middle of nowhere" are interchangeable here) with thousands of stoners listening to drunken musicians for four days? The answer is no. Not to mention I'd fit right in wearing my Dockers polo shirt, cargo shorts, Adidas sandals, and Titleist visor.

87. Live to see MSU in the Rose Bowl - This task almost fell victim to the "If It's Not Plausible, Don't Count It" clause, but what the hell. In Dantonio, I Observe Trust. That, and Drew Stanton has to have a kid someday. Here's hoping SirDarean never does, though, for the good of MSU football and the future of evolution.

86. Be a contestant on Jeopardy - I'll take "People That Aren't Funny" for $800, Alex. "Answer: This journalist started his career trying to mix comedy with sports in the Michigan area, before eventually becoming a famous alcoholic and moving to tend to non-existent sheep in Montana." *Alex calls my name* "Who is Tom Keller?".......I'd totally kick ass on that show.

85. Snort coke with Lindsay Lohan - Because apparently rehab didn't fix her.

84. Learn the meaning to the lyrics of any song by The Shins - Don't get me wrong, I really like their sound. But I don't understand a damn word they say. Tell me what this means:

"A dual tone under wall
Selfish fool and hoped you’d save us all
Never dreamt of such sterile hands,
You keep them folded in your lap,
And raise them up to beg for scraps,
You know, he's holding you down,
With the tips of his fingers just the same,
You'll be pulled from the ocean,
But just a minute too late,
Or changed by a potion,
We’ll find a handsome young mate,
For you to love."

......huh?

83. Spend an entire month without visiting Facebook - Can you go 30 days without stalking people or seeing another "Hey, let's put a camera in front of our faces for the 149th time and take a picture" picture? It's like that movie "40 Days and 40 Nights"...except with 30 days...and without the Lenten-prohibiting sex...and without Josh Hartnett...unless he had a Facebook...in which case I'd totally be friends with him...

*This task must be completed by the age of 25 in order to count. Unless Josh Hartnett has a Facebook. Then everything's all good.

82. Erase the post-Toxic Britney Spears from my mind - Remember when Britney was just the girl next door in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit and skin-tight red space suit? Me too. I miss those days. I really miss those days. Can't you just be that wholesome lipped-glossed pop singer who was closer to dating me than some dead-end self-loathing rapper? Please, baby, one more time?

81. Meet Hillary Clinton - I don't know what I'd do if I met her. I'd either slap her and run (because I'm pretty sure she could beat my ass), ask her how her marriage is going with Ol' Willie, or kick her in the groin, thus exposing the pair she's got to be packing down there (I can already see the headline: BALL-BUSTED) I'm guessing I'd do the first one, even though the third sounds more riveting.

More to come.