The First Day Schedule

Today is a day of starts. Start of internship at Jackson. Start of summer-ish. (Re)Start of blog with world's greatest URL.

To start the restarting of jesuswasacarpenter.blogspot.com, an itinerary of my first day of work:

6:40 a.m.: Alarm clock goes off. The work world should start at 11 a.m. max. And end at 4 p.m.
7:00 a.m.: Stop hitting snooze button. Feel fear for the first time today. (This is for being late and getting fired).
7:30 a.m.: Begin cooking scrambled eggs with ham, mushroom and onion (I showered by this point).
7:33 a.m.: Decide cooking is a bitch that won't take all of my money. Only some.
8:00 a.m.: Leave for work. Pray for no traffic. And for my passenger side view mirror, whose capa was slightly detated last fall.
8: 40 a.m.: Arrive at front door of Jackson Citizen-Patriot. Leave pride at said door.
9:05 a.m.: Receive first assignment. Obit on woman with rare lung disease.
9:30 a.m.: Take tour of newsroom with kind secretary woman. Introduce myself with random combination of the words: I'm, Carpenter, Michigan, junior, Jacob, meet, day nice, State, first. Worry introduction was in that order.
10:30 a.m.: Get up nerve to finally get back in saddle. Make phone calls.
10:50 a.m.: Make contact with 86-year-old father of deceased.
10:53 a.m.: Make 86-year-old father of deceased cry. Hang up on him quickly. Officially bucked off the horse.
12:00 p.m.: Waiting on calls, remembering how annoying that is. Remember people could be burying dead person I'm calling about. Feel like a piece of crap.
12:15 p.m.: Wonder if I can leave for lunch. Decide to play it safe and maintain anorexic tendencies.
1:30 p.m.: Receive several calls back. Feeling good about story.
1:50 p.m.: Assigned story about lung and asthma day at elementary school. Wonder if boss thinks I'm a smoker and trying to send a message.
1:55 p.m.: Assigned story about stilt walker. Meet assigned photographer Dave Weatherwax. Resist temptation to laugh in his face while picturing Harbison kneeing him in balls. Wonder with what force one must be kneed in balls to cause impotence.
2:15 p.m.: Haven't stood up from chair in about 4 hours. Learn that like your leg, your ass can and will fall asleep.
2:30 p.m.: Tell boss story will be ready in 10 minutes.
3:10 p.m.: Finish story.
4:15 p.m.: Wonder if story will ever be read. Resist temptation to go onto Facebook at work.
4:17 p.m.: Decide Facebook and moon have equal gravitational pulls. Awaiting scientific test results.
4:45 p.m.: Story read. Receive compliment. BS love for obits.
5:00 p.m.: Watch boss leave. Wonder if that means I can leave.
5:55 p.m.: Speak up to fellow reporters about leaving. Given OK.
6:00 p.m.: Walk to front door. Locked. Put tail between legs and walk out other door.
6:05 p.m.: Survived first day without major problems. Decide it's going to be a good summer.
6:45 p.m.: Arrive at apartment to find two roommates. Decide I decided too soon.