NBA Live (Blog)

So I missed the first quarter. Who cares. It was tied.

A live blog of Game 5 of the Pistons-Celtics series:

Second quarter

7:55 - Theo Ratliff gets dunked on by Kevin Garnett. He can expect to see himself on the walls of about 40,000 10-year-old Celtics fans in two months.

7:51 - Who is the smokin' hot chick with Bill Belichick? If I was here, I'd be checking my bathroom every day. Spygate is like an old habit — it dies hard.

6:23 - Tayshaun Prince returns from the Witness Protection Program for a dunk.

5:42 - Does anyone else thing there's something off about Ray Allen? The guy wins more sportsmanship awards than Shane Battier and he apparently spends all of his free time doing charity, but there's a strange edge to him that is borderline stalkerish. He seems like the teacher who's really friendly, and then you find out he's child molester friendly. Like Mr. Handell.

5:40 - Cheryl Ford tells me she doesn't want any part of my rec league team. Tells me nobody wants to watch women take a charge. Tells me nobody cares about the WNBA. Basically tells me everything I've been saying for the past 8 years.

5:25 - If the only part of coaching was executing in-bounds plays, Flip Saunders would be so much more important than he already isn't. Hamilton with an in-bounds layup.

3:54 - Kendrick Perkins is slowly moving up the Sean Ely "If I Could Shoot 3 NBA Players In The Face, I'd Shoot Manu Ginobili Twice" list.

2:58 - Forget Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa, and Albert Einstein. If I could have dinner with 3 people dead or alive, Charles Barkley and I would totally be breaking bread. Man I wish I could be in his Fave Five.

2:04 - An unspoken difference maker in this series has been rebounding. The Pistons have lacked a significant inside presence that pulls down offensive rebounds throughout the game (McDyess has been big in the fourth quarter, but not for 48 minutes).

1:22 - Garnett goes all Barnum and Bailey and hits a 21-foot bank shot with a tenth of a second on the shot clock. I give it about 3 more years until David Stern puts tenths of second on the shot clock. And makes the shot clock wear a suit to the arena.

Halftime - Is there a less important job in all of sports media than that of sideline reporter? I mean, if Craig Sager and Jim Gray have done it, how important can it be? Kendrick Perkins was just interviewed and said his big first half is the result of being active. Really, I thought it was because you were in a coma KP. What a worthless job. Unless you're Erin Andrews. Or your face time keeps Bill Raftery from talking.

3rd Quarter

Pre-quarter - Jeff Van Gundy has given Perkins the nickname KP 43. No wonder he got fired from every job after two years.

10:52 - There's a serious discussion that Joe Dumars needs to have with himself this summer (because let's face it, Joe Dumars is like the Fidel Castro of the Pistons front office). Tayshaun Prince is undeniably a very good defender. But his lack of offensive ability in the playoffs the past three or four years is a major concern. It's awfully hard, especially when you're a jump shooting team, to have such a liability.

9:32 - Mike Breen says KP 43 needs 41 rebounds to beat Wilt Chamberlain's record for rebounds in a game. I think Mike was confusing Wilt's 41 rebounds with his "41 rebounds."

7:41 - Has there ever been a starting point guard in the NBA Conference Finals more hesitant to shoot than Rajon Rondo? He makes Eric Snow look like Allen Iverson.

5:27 - Flip Saunders, out in the middle of the court arguing a non-call, interrupts the Celtics cheerleaders' performance. Somewhere, Red Auerbach is doing barrel rolls in his grave.

5:10 - KP 43 gives a shoulder roll after blocking Jason Maxiell to turn over the ball. He's now right below Manu and Antoine Walker on the list. Assuming Chris Webber retired.

3:45 - Pierce makes one of the least dirty look dirtiest plays I've seen. It's like seeing a dog covered in mud. Or something like that.

2:05 - Really, Tayshaun Prince should not be allowed to touch the ball anymore. Ben Wallace does more with the rock in his hands than Tay right now.

1:30 - Whoever decided every game in this series would start at 8:45 should have to get up at 6 a.m. the next day for the two weeks.

1:19 - Is KP 43 an unrestricted free agent at the end of the year? You listening Joe?

1:15 - Apparently the Pistons left their poise on the tarmac at DTW.

0:40 - If you would have told me that my favorite announcer during the NBA Playoffs would be Jeff Van Gundy, a guy who'd I'd trust more with my taxes than my team if I'd never met him before, well then I'd put the mute button on for 2.5 hours every other night. But the guy is pleasantly entertaining.

0:06 - Were referee Ken Mauer and Steve Lavin separated at birth? Did they come out of the womb with a barrel-full of hair gel?

Fourth quarter

12:00 - A question that never will be answered, but perhaps should have been more than any other question in sports: Would the Celtics be in the same position as they are now if a cardboard cutout of Doc Rivers was head coach? Unfortunately, the world will never know.

10:15 - It's quietly an 8 point game. Then James Posey hits a three. I can see him being the Robert Horry of the 21st century — won a championship with the Heat and could be getting another one this year.

8:45 - What word best quantifies Rajon Rondo's shot-making abilities? Let's go to the thesaurus: appalling, base, flagrant, inglorious, shady, shameful, shoddy, unbecoming, unworthy. I vote inglorious. But you can't spell inglorious without glorious, so that's done. We'll go with shameful, because you have to spell shame in that. Or ham.

8:12 - Has Antonio McDyess pulled a David Copperfield or what tonight? I still love him, but maybe now I only want to get to first base.

6:55 - All of the sudden, this game has gotten sloppier than Lindsay Lohan with four beers in her. I should have my keyboard taken away from me for making an analogy with Lindsay Lohan in it. That's just lazy.

6:45 - Pistons are down eight, Celts have the ball and it's a timeout. I'm calling it now: Pierce drives to the hole and kicks it out to KG for a wide open 17-footer.

6:30 - Ray Allen turns the ball over. Nobody could have seen a turnover coming. Nobody.

5:51 - Lindsey Hunter has the most amazing set of hands I've ever seen. His wife must be the happiest woman in the world.

5:18 - Rasheed Wallace might have effectively signed his walking papers tonight. What a dumb tech.

4:30 - Chauncey Billups hits a 3 from Martha's Vineyard and then lets Rondo make a lay-up. I don't know which is more impressive.

4:04 - Has there ever been a quieter 30-point game in conference finals history than KG's monster game tonight? KP 43 still has a lot to learn.

3:30 - Ray Allen is a douche.

2:54 - Here's guessing Rajon Rondo didn't graduate from University of Kentucky.

2:38 - I hate KP 43 more than anybody, but Ken Mauer needs to have his whistle taken and put in time out.

1:58 - If Rodney Stuckey hits both of these free throws, I'll name my kid Rodney. Maybe it's his middle name.

1:36 - Rondo's free throw shooting: Shameful. It fits.

1:15 - Rodney Stuckey hits a three with one minute left to cut the game to one. My child is going to hate my guts so much.

1:10 - It's time to come up with my "If the Pistons win this game, I'll (insert random overexaggeration that I'll never do)." I'll take suggestions and maybe do it if you comment on it before the end of the night. I probably won't do it.

0:59 - Each team only has one time out with one minute left in the game. Is this the NBA?

0:47 - Ray Allen is really ruining this game for me. Just like eighth grade all over again.

0:08 - Rodney Stuckey doesn't just have ice water in his veins. The dude has liquid nitrogen. He's three years older than me and making free throws in the conference finals. (Side note — even if the Pistons win, they lose the rest of the playoffs if Rip Hamilton misses even a single game with an elbow injury.)

0:06 - I'm putting my computer down. I'm afraid I'll throw it if Stuckey hits a game-tying three.

0:00 - So the Pistons drop a game that I really think they needed more than the Celtics. There's no way Kevin Garnett is going to let the C's lose two games in a row, much less one on their home court. Here's hoping the Pistons and McDyess can pull out two in a row. And here's hoping Ray Allen's shooting hand falls off tomorrow.